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Tuesday 29 May 2012

That stuff between our toes... and politicians.

I wondered what to write about today... I procrastinated, I deliberated and I obsfucated. When I realized what I was doing a light flashed in my grey matter BLAM! Politics. Yes, that subject we all love to hate. Politics. A live soap opera. Same old players every day for years and years and years. Oh my god I'm nearly falling asleep this is soooooo droll! But that's what politics does it puts you to sleep. Kind of like a weak dose of euthanasia at the SPCA, just takes a while, but just when you realise what has been happening KAPOW!!! Sex scandal, money misappropriated, dodgy behind closed doors deals, a new leader, a new star. There is one politician who embodies all that is badass, all that is sexy, all that is I'm going to rule you mofo's and there aint nuthing you can do 'bout it! Vlad is the man. Look at this guy! I mean why can't there be more politicians like him? He has pecs for chrissake. Who even has pecs these days? Not since Chuck Norris had his pec hair ripped off by Bruce Lee has humanity seen such a speciman! In New Zealand, our esteemed leader (who I must add I did not vote for) is an ex-investment banker with a penchant for grey suits, slippery talk and Hawaiian mansions. Australia does not fare much better, their PM is so plastic and coffiured it could be a Bratz doll! OOOO look! There's Ms Gillard when she had long hair and shes holding a Bratz! What an amazing coincedence. Perhaps there is some slim chance for Australian politics after all!
But. No matter what our esteemed leaders look like, no matter what kind of animal magnetisim, sex panther appeal these horribly slimy people exude, the telling thing anyone in charge of anything will eventually let slip is some words. Yep, words are a politicians saviour and also their worst nightmare. Lets look at some of the best of the worst:



"Should the Iranian regime-do they have the sovereign right to have civilian nuclear power? So, like, if I were you, that's what I'd ask me. And the answer is, yes, they do." George Bush talking to reporters, 2008.
Crikey. Does that even make sense? But hell, he (and his dad) was only in charge of the more powerful nation in the world! What sort of flow on effect might this have had I wonder...

A second, more damning aspect of Bush's mind-set is that he doesn't want to know anything in detail, however important. Since college, he has spilled with contempt for knowledge, equating learning with snobbery and making a joke of his own anti-intellectualism. ("[William F. Buckley] wrote a book at Yale; I read one," he quipped at a black-tie event.) By O'Neill's account, Bush could sit through an hourlong presentation about the state of the economy without asking a single question. ("I was bored as hell," the president shot back, ostensibly in jest.)
Awesome! Here is someone who is dumb, does not want to learn and seems to have a thing against people who are the slightest bit smart... AND HE WAS THE RULER OF THE USA!

But it gets better for the ladn of the feer and the hoem of the braev! Here is a great bit of mis-spelling...

              Republican Mitt Romney says he is running for president in search
              of a better America. This week, Romney's campaign could have
              used a better speller. The campaign released an iPhone app
              late Tuesday (Wednesday, NZ time) that features slogans
              supporting his campaign against Democratic President Barack
              Obama ahead of elections on November 6.
              "We're With Mitt," read one. "American Greatness," declared another.
              "A Better Amercia ," proclaimed a third, a misspelling that almost
              instantly became the subject of jokes on social media.

What the hell? Well at least he wasn't fat!

 Take a look at these guys->
Lets be brutally honest, we live in a world where excessive comsumption is lauded as a sign of wealth, of a sign of success. How many politicians are fat! Combine this with a healthy dose of stupidity and there is a massive, fetid, sweaty, disgusting, stupid problem.

How can these people be taken seriously? Really? So the next time you see a politician, run your calculating eyes up and down them, are they overweight? Clammy? Well dressed? Do they, when they open their mouths to speak, look like an eel about to eat an egg yolk? If you can tick any or all of the above be very afraid. Because like that sticky, sweet mouldy smelling stuff between your toes, once a politician gets into the cracks and crevices of Parliament, they are damn near impossible to remove.

4 comments:

  1. Perhaps researchers should look at politicians and do some kind of study. Why are so many politicians corrupt? Does the position of power drive them to madness or were they born that way, to seek power because they are already corrupt. If such a study was conducted the result would be very interesting I bet.

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  2. Politics is indeed the stuff between our toes!! Whether it’s a small island nation, a third world developing country, a developed country or a member of the G8, the game of politics remains the same. It is only the degree at which is played that change.
    Coming from a small island nation in the Pacific, I must say that even though we receive the bulk of our education funding from Australia, and it enters the country as “clean money” the politics behind the intentions that initiated the aid are very shady. For the student, it arrives in the form of an award letter and a monthly deposit of funds into a local account. For the Community member it comes in the form of a new water tank, a new health center or a new school, and in return some customary land is lost to investors through lack of enforcement (or rather willingness on the part of the government to turn a blind eye on the law) of the land use and land lease procedures. For the government, it comes in the form of brand new shiny vehicles, overseas trips to sign treaties that do not necessarily concern us and which we do not fully understand ourselves and accommodation in high class hotels for a mere two weeks. This in return for our government’s signature, another petitioner on the list.


    The WTO, cheap goods at the expense of the local economy, at some point we will end up with less that 10% exports and more than 90% imports – we knew that – but…we signed anyway!! The majority of our honorable members can barely read and are expected to sign a document that they themselves cannot even begin to comprehend – oh but wait, a new car, a new house, an added $200,000 bonus, a holiday in Europe – and all of a sudden our honorable member can read and write in fluent English and understands the contents of the document for signing - such is politics.

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